You may have noticed some changes happening around your office, farm, and/or marital bed. Do not be alarmed, as these changes are for the best, gentle sir! I have simply taken your place of business, home, and/or wife for myself as a function of my power over your board of directors, eminent domain, and/or prima nocte.
I can already imagine your cries of protest, and let me tell you this forthwith: they will fall upon deaf ears. Unless, of course, this form letter has been received due to my acquisition of your wife, in which case I may be unable to hear you over her exclamations of terror and/or passion. If it is, in fact, your business or home that I have stolen, then I may be too busy burning it to the ground and salting the earth so that nothing may grow again, ever, to receive your complaint.
Please rest assured that your former property is in excellent hands. I wish only the best for myself and my new playthings. Good luck in your future endeavors, provided they do not include a complaint to the Better Business Bureau, peasant revolt, and/or ill-advised rescue attempt.
Until Next Time,
J. M. Rutherford
Head of Railway Acquisitions and Concrete
Bowen and Sons Media Enterprises