While the men at Bowen & Sons would never condescend to actually visit a “movie theater,” my man servant Dimplesworth has assured me that his cousin attended a recent viewing of one “Sex and the City 2” and has relayed to me the most important points of said film. While his underclass sensibilities made it difficult to ascertain the exact content of this latest work, I have done my best to translate his boorish and uneducated colloquialisms into a review for you, our most gracious readers.
It would appear that “Sex and the City 2” details the lives of four aging east coast socialites who gallivant about the bustling metropolis of New York City in the most lavish of excess. While my man Dimplesworth was not quite clear on how these four madams attained their riches, we can safely assume that they inherited this money from the great undertakings of either their fathers or husbands—a point of plot surely resolved in the first movie by the same name. Whilst these women whittle away the great fortunes left to them by undoubtedly equally great men, we witness their inevitable decay, brought about by debauchery and the poor fortitude of the fairer sex, not to mention a level of promiscuity that, if related to me accurately by my agent, would certainly offend the sensibilities of even our hardiest readers.
If these women are husbandless, I ask where are their brothers or cousins or sons to escort them about town? A lady, especially a lady of high station, should not be shopping the boutiques of Main Street alone, should never be painted-up and bedecked like a common trollop and certainly should never be found in the drinking halls that mark like pox the seamy under-belly of every city.
Next, and this part was not quite clear to me, these women—Carrie, Samantha, Esther, and Mildred—travel to one of the British Mandates in Arabia for some reason. I could only deduce that the women had either run out of money and fled their investors to live with some distant relative, or had, in some sly game of chance, lost their freedom to one of the great shah’s whose appetites are well documented.
Finally, it appears that in Arabia, these women go through a series of hardships where they must choose between damnation and redemption by learning the virtue of domesticity from the natives.
As far as I can discern, this movie is meant as a cautionary tale to today’s women. The wise young woman will fix her mind to diligence and management of a proper household, for the uncultured or unwed maiden will wake up one day to find her self a childless haggard harpy. Bully for you, “Sex and the City 2”! Holly Wood, often a purveyor of insidious vice and radical thinking, got it right this time. They’ve made a staunch defense for the pure family values that prop up our great nation against the rest of this heathen world.