Travesty in the Mexican Sea

An official editorial penned by the best men of Bowen & Sons:

In the past few weeks, the general public has been bombarded by news and photographs decrying the plights, brought on by the massive oil spill there ongoing, of animals small and large along our nations pristine southern coasts. Yellow Journalism at its finest! These Marxists spit their vitriolic propaganda in attempts most insidious to undermine a great industrial enterprise, the noble oil magnate of British Petroleum. We here at Bowen & Sons have always stood tall next to our transatlantic allies. We did not abandon them in the Great War against Hanz and Fritz, and we surely will not abandon them now.

In our country's hay-day, considerations for disasters were left to God. After all, it was Him who set all of nature before us to be conquered and used for our great benefit. Dolphins, hah! What are the lives of a few species of animals in the face of such staggering financial losses?


With untold millions of dollars in revenue lost daily, British Petroleum is the victim, not the perpetrator.  Surely its board members and Corporate Executive Officer will be hardest hit by this unfortunate tragedy.  I can only imagine how this will affect the quality of grounds keeping at their many vacation homes. Worse yet, they may now find themselves forced to settle for housing-staffs full of Scotsmen!  I shudder at the thought.  As an Emeritus board member of British Petroleum, I can only pray that a swift and profitble end comes to this great national travesty.